To Fear or Not to Fear?

Otherwise known as well-balanced, and lovely... 


Linette and I had a conversation this evening about fear.  It's appropriate, with October being just about upon us, the month in which we face our fears through dressing in costumes and poking fun at the supernatural.  (October is my favorite month, but that's another post!)

I have a friend who is afraid to open himself up to a relationship for fear of getting hurt.  I have another friend who is so open that he booked a flight to spend more time with a girl he barely knows.  Winter Winds by Mumford & Sons, my favorite band of the moment who can do no wrong, addresses the former.  Sometimes the head tells us that we're ready, because it makes sense: you have things in common, you make each other laugh, you find each other tolerably attractive... but our heart just isn't ready to make room.  Or be open to the possibility of getting hurt again.

This was the case with Jerry.  I know it.   (Jerry was one of my earlier Match suitors this summer, as chronicled in It Was Only a Week, among a few other posts prior and post to that.)  We didn't have our happy ending, but I learned a lot about myself through that experience.

My heart?  It remains open.  It is battered, it is a bit bruised, but my heart is whole, and full of love.  I cannot bear the thought of being too afraid to try.  I crave companionship.  Granted, it helps that I have a fantastic roommate in Chuck and a great gal pal in Linette (among my many other fabulous friends!) to fill the gaps, but it's not the same as having that person in your life that you can lean on, and smooch on, and gives you a hand to hold.  Or cuddle with at date night in Leu Gardens. 

All of that said, my Match membership just ran out. I didn't renew it, and I've hidden my profile.  It's not that I'm afraid, I'm just tired of the Match scene.  It can be a bit exhausting. 

Just as I am not afraid to continue to be open to the possibility of love, I am not afraid to be alone.  It's a balance.  I am nothing if not well-balanced.  And lovely.  With a joyful heart, ready and willing...