Where's the Beef?

Otherwise known as... His Name was Antonio, and He Called Her Bella... Twice

Quite a few months ago, I purchased a  $25 Groupon for $50 worth of food and beverages at The Vines Grille and Bar, a very hip wine, jazz, and pricey food establishment in the Biggish City near My Small Town.  The Groupon expires today. Why did it take so long to get there?  Well... it's like the hesitation I had in going to the salsa class, sometimes it's intimidating trying out a cool place for the first time.  I mean, I think I've been faking it pretty well, but I am so completely unhip... a geek to the core.  Last week while on a first date no less, I actually heard myself saying, I love grammar.  As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back.  But it was too late... they were out there.  But that's another post. 

Getting back to the uber trendy Vines... I called yesterday to make a reservation per Groupon instructions, and secured a 6:30 table for two for Linette (who is very cool and thus balances out my geekiness) and I.  When I got came home from work, I changed into my swimsuit and did a few laps in the pool before getting out to shower and prepare for our big night out.  An hour later, I was wearing my magical black ruffled skirt avec small white polka dots and a cute black t-shirt with a scoop-neck collar.  Make up on, hot pink toenails freshly painted, hair blown out... and curled.  A bit later Linette drove up and we were off to the Biggish City.   

A short while later, after a bit of traffic and an unnecessary call to the restaurant to change our reservation time, we were there.  Picture a huge, gleefully noisy dining room with a long, and slender wall-mounted screen displaying a hypnotizing virtual fire.  A bit rustic, in a cool modern way, if that's possible.  And I tell you, it is.  We however, were seated in a smaller dining room, separated from the large room by a glass wall.  It was nice, and we could still see the action... but it was awfully quiet.  We weren't in the mood for quiet!  We wanted action!  And y'all know how loud my laugh is... that peaceful, intimate room would never do.  At least not for last night's purposes.

Soooooo, when Stan the Server came, we told him we were sorry, but we if it was possible we would like to be seated in the main dining space.

You need to understand, this room is quiet... and I am... LOUD.  

He smiled.   No problem.  Let me check for you.

A couple of minutes later we were accommodated at a table located in the spacious, happening dining room.  I'm sorry, Stan.  

Hey, that's okay.  Enjoy your meal.  

Linette looked at me.  Nobody puts Jen and Linette in the corner.  

We perused the wine menu.  I selected Mon Coeur, an Old World red from the Cotes du Rhone region of France.  I honestly chose it because Mon Coeur means my heart... and I am nothing if not a hopeless romantic.  Linette selected the same wine, and we inquired as to the price of the bottle, but our server (whom we never did catch the name of) told us that it really wasn't any cheaper to drink by the bottle, so we stuck to a glass each.  The food menu was amazing.  And expensive for my school district salary.  But hey, I had the Groupon, it was Friday night, and we looked good. 

Linette, they have truffle fries!

Jen, we can't have fries three times in one week.

You're right... that would be insanity!

Well, honey, we took a walk on the wild side.  The menu listed a colossal one pound Kobe beef burger accompanied by truffle aioli and truffle fries.  When Unnamed Server returned, he asked us if we had made a choice.  Well... this is the thing...we're looking at the Kobe burger, but one pound is way more than we can eat... would it be possible to have it split in half so we could share it? 

The kitchen couldn't split the burger but he would bring two plates and a knife.  We also ordered a most delectable caprese salad-- heirloom tomatoes, creamy mozzarella, basil pesto, drizzled with a balsamic reduction.  Sooooo tasty.  The kitchen did split the salad for us, so it came out on two plates.

Prior to the salad arriving, a delightful older Italian gentleman brought us warm bread.  As he put the bread on the table he said something to Linette, and then...

He called you Bella.  That's so sweet.

She beamed.  I know! 

We had bit of bread, we consumed our salads, we drank our wine slowly.  And we waited for our burger.

And waited. 

And waited. 

We knew that it was taking a while, but we were enjoying the atmosphere, and our conversation, so much that we didn't care.  Eventually, though, the manager, unrequested I assure you, showed up.  Ladies, I am so sorry for the delay with your meal.  Would you like another glass of wine on the house? 

Sure!  (The wine was $13 a glass... this was a $26 comping!)  What happened?

The chef said he overcooked your burger, so he cooked it again.  

Okay... no problem.


Score!  Not only were we in this amazingly cool restaurant that had a kitchen hiccup, now we were the recipients of free wine!  (Now I definitely know that the karma gods have smiled upon us.)

When the burger did arrive, a couple at a neighboring table oooohed and aaaahed. Right then and there the husband decided he would order it for himself.  It was good.  Super-juicy, cheesy, with bacon.  The truffle fries came with a cute little genie lantern of ketchup that I kept rubbing in jest.  Delightful Older Italian Man had brought it to us during the Great Burger Anticipation.  It was another opportunity for him to call Linette, Bella.

While eating the fries I told Linette, I feel like I'm at the Enzian.   (We had had truffle fries the last time we went there together, as detailed in Bad Karma?)

Wait a minute!  Do we need to defend our table from cute old ladies wanting to sit with us again? 

Older Italian Charmer brought us the dessert menu after taking our plates away.  I looked at Linette... I want to know his name so I can put him in the blog.  I inquired the next time he came by.

Antonio.  

Of course it is!  Linette didn't hear his name, but she heard my remark...  

What did he say, Antonio?  

Yep.  We laughed.  Of course it was.

The whole experience was just... wonderful.  Kitchen delay and all.  We paid our bill, tipped Unnamed Server on the full amount of the bill prior to the dual discounts, and left to check out the scene at the nearby Moonfish.  As we were leaving Vines, we passed through the bar, which had a live jazz band, appearing to be quite the scene.  I wanted to stay... but Linette had suggested Moonfish and I had never been there.  We walked in.  It was dead... dead... dead. 

Linette:  Do you want to go back?  As we were leaving when I saw the bar and the band, I didn't really want to go.

I didn't want to go either!  Let's go!

This is what happens when two friends fail to communicate and want to accommodate the other.  Luckily, the two establishments were within a few yards of each other, and there were two adjoining seats available at the bar.  There was a Frank Sinatra-esque singer fronting the band.  We stayed for an hour or so, enjoying the lively scene, plotting future escapades, gleefully posting on Facebook.  It was... a perfect night out.   


Part of me wonders if Antonio asked the chef to overcook the burger so that Linette could spend more sitting at his table.  After all, she was... his Bella.