Six Months...

Otherwise known as... Snuggling is a Non-Negotiable :-)

In my last post, I talked about meeting my boyfriend's kids.  It was an amazing experience.  We spent the summer in the pool, coloring, playing games, and making faces at each other.  It was the best.

They knew me as Nana's friend.  I was good with that.  Divorce is hard, especially on children.

I watched Ztastic become an American during his citizenship ceremony with his oldest sitting on my lap.  Ztastic and I both locked eyes and got teary.  It was one of those moments in life that you never forget.

There's more I could say... but I won't.  Children are sacred.  And so very loved.

Over the past six months, Ztastic and I have found the best meeting of the minds.  We talk about podcasts we've listened to, articles we've read, and observances in daily life.  I've gotten to know his family on a great, deep level. We all feel a great fondness, acceptance, and love for each other.  My heart has felt full.  Ztastic made time for me as much as his schedule allowed.

I know it wasn't easy.  He did his best.

Since Ztastic and I found each other, there has been one aspect of couplehood that has been absent in our relationship. 

Aside from this summer when we went away for a long weekend, Ztastic and I have quite rarely spent the night in each other's arms.  No slow Sunday mornings with coffee, and pancakes.  No morning canoodling.

I didn't realize how important these things were to me in a relationship until they were unattainable.

Ztastic has a lot on his plate right now, and feels that spending the night takes away from his ability to recharge and renew.

I get needing to recharge and renew.  As the girlfriend, I prefer to think that spending the night with the woman you love adds something to life, and does not detract.

So, on Saturday, on the day that we celebrated having spent six months together, when there was another Saturday night without the children that Ztastic could have spent with me... he made his stand.  And I made mine.

It's important to recognize when two people are in two different stages of life.  No matter how much the love is so very clear, and the heartache even more so.  And so, we had a conversation, on my couch, with my legs crossing his, and tears slowly coursing down my cheeks.

I need to be with someone who can spend the night with me, and wake up and snuggle, and have coffee and read the paper.  

He agreed that he couldn't give me what I need right now.  And I have to say, going into this relationship I could see the writing on the wall, but I took a chance, because I believed in us.

I still believe in us, but I recognize that this is not our time.

So we had our six month date in the same restaurant where we went out for the very first time.  We held hands across the table.  We talked, and laughed, and agreed how much we enjoyed each other's company.  We kissed good night.  And our hearts were broken.

I like to end each post on a happy note, but now I have to speak my truth.  My heart is broken.

My heart is broken and life will go on.