The Deal-Breakers

Otherwise known as... I'm Really Not a Man-Hater

Yesterday while out with my pal Jessica (who has the most fantastic manly man in her Julio) our talk turned to my adventures/misadventures on Match.  Jen, what are your deal breakers when you are looking at profiles?  

Hmmmmm... interesting question!  So... these are some of mine.  I'd love to hear what yours are...

A picture tells a thousand words...  If  a guy's profile pictures are ONLY pictures that he has taken of himself in his bathroom mirror, with his PHONE, and he contacts me, he doesn't get a response.  Maybe that's harsh, but if a man can't tell his friends that he needs them to take a picture of him because he's trying out an internet dating service, or doesn't have the wherewithal to at least set up his digital camera to take his picture... He's not the right man for me.  

Likewise, if he has an alcoholic drink in his hand (and several more on the table) with a delirious smile on his face in EVERY picture on his profile... Not my type.  I like to cut loose on occasion as much as the next person, but he should show me that he has other things going on in his life besides his partying ways.  Or maybe he doesn't.  In which case, as I said, we would not be a good match.  

A deal breaker for my friend Karen, who recently married a man she met on Match, was if the guy has his arm around a woman in his main profile picture.  I agree.  If a man is interested in meeting a new woman, he should have at least one solo picture that he can use for his profile.  Unless he's trying to say, See?  She liked me!  You will too!

The tattoo closeup.  There are a lot of men on Match who have people take pictures of their enormous tattoos.... on their back, on their shoulders, on their forearms... This doesn't do much for me.  As someone who doesn't have any tattoos or funky piercings, it makes me think that this guy has a LOT invested in his tattoo if he thinks so much of it as to include it as part of his profile pictures.  But then, maybe he's trying to start a conversation with a girl that has tattoos or funky piercings... in which case, he's not speaking to me.  But he may be trying to speak to Angelina Jolie. 

The shirtless guy.  There are men on Match who are shirtless in every single picture.  Do they own upper-body clothing?  Do they walk around half-naked every waking minute they are not at work? Or even when they are? Or are they just so impressed with their six-packs that they feel that to get a date they must impress me as well?  Don't get me wrong, I am into exercise and having a healthy body as much as the next person, but these shirtless guys are not for me.  I need to see at least one picture with a shirt on so that I can prove to myself that they own one.  Don't you think?  Likewise, these guys probably are disappointed that my own profile doesn't have any bikini pictures.  No... just not happening.  Although I have been assured by my male friends doing the Match thing, that there are just as many scantily clad women as men online.  If that's their thing, who am I to judge?  It's just not mine.

Okay, those are my superficial critiques.   Let's get into the written word. 

Men who want me to be their "princess".  Ugghhhh.  Really?  In 2011?  Again, male friends have assured me that there are lots of women out there who expect to be treated like a princess.... but I am most definitely not one of them.  What does that mean, anyway?  Is he going to pick me up on a white horse and spirit me away from all this?  I'm looking for someone who can handle an equal division of labor in the relationship and maybe eventually the household chores.  I don't want to be on a pedestal.  Or a white horse. 

The guy who is too into himself.  I am happy for him that he makes more money than I'll see in a decade and drives a fancy car and has been everywhere in the world.  If he has it all what is he doing on Match? 

The guy who can't spell or overuses text-speak.  I understand that spelling isn't everyone's forte, but I appreciate a guy who takes the time to edit his profile.  You're putting yourself out there... don't you want to put your best self forward?  There are probably lots of women who don't care about spelling, and I can easily overlook a few words, but when every sentence has a misspelled word, it's a turnoff.  Just being my geeky self.

There's more, but I think I've said enough for now.  As far as what impresses me... Smart.  Funny.  Cute doesn't hurt.  A profile that tells me about him and his interests and what he's looking for in a relationship without being overly arrogant.  Does that make sense?  I don't care if he has kids as long as he's a good dad and co-parents without excessive drama.  Catholic is a plus but not a deal-breaker.  He must be able to speak without using an expletive in every sentence, and he must be an overall good guy, and generally happy with his life.  Am I asking for too much?  

After all, there must be a reason I am still single.  :-)