Who Owns the Problem?

Otherwise known as... Putting Wisdom into Action

Last week GDA and I were driving through a local outlet mall parking lot.  It as the Wednesday before Christmas.  In a word, we were going into battle, so that he could bring more gifts home to his family in Argentina.  GDA was driving, and just before he stopped at a stop sign, two young-ish women crossed the street.

They were beyond the stop sign. 

They glared at GDA.  He stopped at the stop sign, and got upset at their dirty look.  I was about to stop!  Why are they looking at me that way?

Honey, they own the problem.  We can't control the way they looked at you, but we can control how we handle it.  We're happy; we're going shopping; we have no problem.

You're right, Jen.  He smiled.  Problem easily averted and a successful shopping trip was had by the two of us. It actually wasn't a battle at all, the crowds weren't too bad, and we found everything we needed.  Even if we didn't stop at the Ann Taylor Outlet Store. 

I have my weaknesses, but GDA keeps me strong.

I have recently been upset about a problem (that shall remain unblogged in the spirit of keeping dirty laundry un-aired) in my family life.  The problem itself doesn't matter.  What does matter is that it's been eating me up, and even though I am a trained counselor, I have had a hard time letting the problem go.  I knew that processing with my counselor-friends would help.  We jokingly call our happy hour or lunch outings "therapy", but there really is a bit of therapy that goes on every time we meet.  Sometimes we even call each other on the phone to process if it can't wait until our next gathering.  It's definitely an advantage to being in my profession. 

I had lunch at Nona Sushi with Kelly and Shari today, my closest counselor-friends and the people I trust to help me work through the biggest issues in my life.  Of course, all friends are helpful in this manner, but when I have something I've been wrestling with for a while, I take it to the professionals.  After catching up on how we spent our Christmases, I filled them in on the situation.  Shari looked at me.  Jen, you can't control their choices, you can only control how you respond to the situation.  You don't own the problem.  You've got to let go... I heard her words, and they were actually exactly what I would have said to a friend with the same dilemma.  (And yeah, we both subscribe to Glasser when it comes to counseling theory.)

I knew what I needed to do all along... but I had to hear it from a friend in order to put wisdom into action.  What a great 2012 resolution.