A Top Ten List Like No Other

Otherwise known as... I Really Should be Writing Something Else Entirely...

I lost my darling dad on Thursday night.  He was having trouble breathing, was rushed to the hospital, and died from a blood clot.  That's all I can say about that right now.  I'm still in shock, and the past two days have been a bizarre combination of a nightmare I can't wake up from, and the incredible feeling that comes from being on the receiving end of an outpouring of love and support. 

This is the top ten list of things I never thought I would say, or hear, on New Year's Eve (which is also, by the way, my mother's 66th birthday).

1.  Spoken (to GDA, when he called me just after 10pm, which was midnight in Argentina).  Honey, if people are shooting guns, I want you to go inside.  (We had a New Year's Eve phone kiss.)

2.  Texted (to Remon, whom I was going to take a Bachata lesson with on Thursday night just before my mom called to tell me to meet her at the hospital, who had texted me about my dad's condition).  My dad passed away on Thursday night.

3.  Heard (from my mother, who broke her glasses this morning and had a full eye exam which resulted in completely new glasses).  I'm really trippin'.  (My mom has the most incredible sense of humor.)

4.  Spoken (to my mother, two aunts and Dr. and Mrs. Chen, who had come to bring food, when they came to Mom's locked door.)  I locked this?  I was trying to keep the riff raff out.  At which point Mrs. Chen collapsed into my arms.  I need to not forget that other people haven't had the time to process that I have-- and that not everybody is ready to joke around.  I feel such tremendous grief but joking is my way of dealing.  Everybody has different ways of dealing with loss.  Humor is mine.

5.  Spoken (to Jess, who flew in last night after having Christmas in Puerto Rico with Julio's family).  I thought I was going to run today.  Yeah, I went to bed last night thinking that I'd get up and run today in preparation for the half marathon I'll be running in one week's time.  All I wanted to do was run maybe 5 miles or so.  I needed it.  I woke up, checked my phone, and organized people bringing food to my house for an hour on Facebook.  Then Jess texted, I told her she could bring me breakfast, and it was all over.  Running?  Dream  on.  Maybe tomorrow.  I hope.

6.  Spoken  (to Erin, who has been a godsend over the past two days, and had made exactly what I asked for).  Mmmmmmmmmm.... Mac and cheese.  I love, love, LOVE macaroni and cheese.  Sandwiches are great for quick meals with minimal cleanup, but mac and cheese is true comfort food, and just what I needed.

7.  Heard (from Auntie M. and Auntie J., who have been wonderful angels helping my mom do things like get new glasses after her frames broke this morning and bringing birthday cake on what is sure to be the worst birthday she's ever had).  Well... at least we're not talking about screwing.  My mother has had a screw in her toe ever since her operation this past summer to correct a bunion.  I'm used to her saying this joke, but my aunts were a bit mortified that mom was talking about the screw in her toe in a suggestive fashion while in mixed company.  (Uncle Rick-- Dad's best friend and a second father to my sister and I-- came in on Thursday night to help with everything.  He is wonderful.) 

8.  Heard (from Jessica, one of my closest friends and girlfriend of Julio, the Puerto Rican son my father never had).  He can't see you yet.  He's not ready to cry.  Dad and Julio were very close.  In fact, if Julio ever pops the question, my dad and mom were planning on flying to PR so that Dad could be his best man. 

9.  Heard (from Robin, whom I had asked to bring cupcakes in honor of my mother's birthday, not realizing my aunt would bring a chocolate cake)  Not everyone likes to mix their fruit with their chocolate.   She had made chocolate cupcakes with a raspberry cream filling.  Absolutely divine.  She also made some without the cream filling.  (Which is where the mixing statement came from.)

10.  Typed (on Facebook, to my friend who had posted on my wall about sending positive thoughts and support my way.)  Who are you and what have you done with my Rachel?  Rachel is one of my favorite people on the planet, but we are a yin and yang.  I am the hopelessly optimist one; she is an adorable grouch.  Something is definitely upset in the time-space continuum if she is sending positivity my way.  But of course, we already knew that. 

If there wasn't an upset in the time-space continuum, my darling dad would still be here, making me crazy, giving me love, and making me laugh. 

Enough words, for now...

Addendum:  Happy New Year, Readers, and Happy Birthday, Mom.  The author can guarantee next year's birthday will be better.